Plans

 I am often reminded of a life verse that my late husband loved – We hung it in his office.  It brought us such hope as he worked his own business.  I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with it for the same reason we were.  It’s Jeremiah 29:11:  

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

Can I be honest, though?  I think when you are waiting to see plans happen that scripture is hard to find as comforting.  When you are just really unsure of what’s next in your life or what’s ahead on such a huge level, this scripture can almost be guilt inducing because you think you’re ready but God just isn’t revealing much.  So we wonder.  Are you there God?  Do You see me?  It says You do?   People in my life who seek to encourage me will quote it and with an almost resentful twist  I think – that’s easy for you to say!  Then you remember they mean well and they don't understand having never been here.   I know that I know that I know that my God has never forsaken me.  I know that I know that I know that I need to cling to this promise.  I just should be honest to say I’m impatient waiting to see what this plan is now - especially with my empty nest and new life.  It’s hard.  I’m not sharing anything I haven’t already prayed about.  I just think transparency is the best way to move forward.  So, I wanted to share something new at my house lately that is helping me. 

 

After a few puppies going through our house these last few years, I declared that I would never have a dog in my house again.  My chewed up furniture and now patched walls – not to mention my clean carpet - were proof to me I was really done.  Then, earlier this spring I unexpectedly fell in love my oldest son’s pug, Dexter.  He’s a happy-go-lucky, 3 year ball of easy-going fun.  I didn’t realize I would get so attached to his company while my son was gone to the Philippines and I was his dog sitter but I really did.  Here’s Dexter.  He makes me smile just seeing his pictures.  A face those who know him love – you can hear them talk about him with such affection - me included:

 

This summer as the quiet has increased exponentially in my empty nest and my oldest son refused to surrender Dexter (I wouldn’t if I were him either), I began to reconsider if maybe a canine companion of my own would be nice.   The thought of puppy training and the chewing was out of the question, though.  My oldest son suggested I look into a rescue dog.  He indicated a rescue dog would be fiercely loyal and I could pick an age and personality like Dexter too.

I went to Pet Smart one Sunday afternoon after church recently to see for myself what Homeward Bound had to offer.  I explained the characteristics of the companion I’d like to have. The Homeward Bound women asked me to consider Heidi – a maltese mix (I think poodle) who was there that day.  They told she’s a diamond in the rough.  She just needs real food and love.  Here is what she looked like when I first saw her:

 

Something about this dog clicked with me.  I saw the neglect.  I saw the fog in her eyes.  I saw that feeling I think I identified with from some of my own struggles in life as a widow.  It’s not that I have really had a difficult life as some widows I know.  It’s just that I honestly know first hand that there is a reason God encourages widows and orphans in the bible.  There are no words that can be shared to understand what we go through in this new life without our spouse.  It’s hard.  And my Father knows that.  So, when I saw Heidi, it’s like we had a connection.  I know that I have struggled with wondering if I’m forgotten.  I too honestly wondering if God sees me some days.  Looking at Heidi, shaved completely down because her Maltese mixed fur was so neglected they couldn’t save it, I knew she could be more.  I knew I could help her!  Yes, I wanted her.  I saw her potential.

 

When I first brought her home, she was so tired and underfed that she would literally just wake up to eat, do her business then lay back down on me.   It was interesting the only happy or excited emotion she gave us was when she saw clean water and a whole bowl of food.  You could tell she also wondered where those new sweet potato treats had been all her life too.  After several days of Eat, Rest and repeat, we began to see her walk on her own.  She was too weak to climb stairs and she’d bump into me or the furniture at times when she did.  We discovered that she couldn’t see well but she began to trust that I was going to be there to help her and that seemed to give her the confidence she needed to start to venture out into this new life I had brought her into.

 

Today, I want to show you what she looks like so far.  I love that she has adopted my butterfly pillow in the living room as her own.  For so many reasons, I identify butterflies with God’s promise of new life for all of us.  But I know in my heart as I see this dog come to life and celebrate each unexpected bark or toy interest or enjoyment that My Father in Heaven sees me even more so just like I see this mangled mess of a dog.  She has no idea the plan I have for her – But just like me and my Father, she’s going to have to trust that I see her.  And I’m there.

She doesn't realize it yet but  I have every intention to make her new life better than her old.  While my job with Heidi is much easier than my Father’s (I know I’m still such a hot mess myself), I am renewed in my faith that my Maker is up to the task.  I need only listen for His help when I’m bumping into things finding my way too in this new place. So I know I'm a mess and He knows I am a mess but He's got plans for me. Heidi reminds me of that ever day.  I hope she does for others too.